Would I Lie to You?

Taryn was born in Steve's Town, Iowa and was raised by a large group of farmers that lived together harmoniously. Her early years were quite happy, though the chickens pecked at her mercilessly.

As she grew older, Taryn was shunned by the local townspeople because she had a fat Irish head. When she came of age, she packed up her belongings and left the farming community for bigger and better things.

She arrived in State Road, NC and met Amy Merritt. She fell in love immediately, and would follow Amy everywhere for years to come. Though Amy would never EVER swing that way, there was no pepper spray or restraining order that could keep Taryn away. One time she even tried seducing Amy with some rose petals and cake icing, but like her all of her previous attempts, it ended with Amy running away screaming, and Taryn sitting alone in the room, sobbing uncontrollably. Amy-stalking turned out to be rather expensive, so Taryn finally left her alone and began exploring her career options.

After years of hard work, Taryn became the best puppy-kicking, embryo-killing, Christmas hater in town. Unfortunately, there is not much money to be made in this business, so in her spare time Taryn whored herself out to wealthy frat boys. She continued in this manner until her mid-fifties, when gravity and about 1 million Big Macs were forcing her to think realistically. She met and married a well-to-do plastic surgeon named Marshall Snippet, who later gave her the best rack anyone had ever seen on a woman her age.

Taryn soon starred in a new daytime drama called "The Red and the Irish" that had a very long, successful run, even after Taryn's retirement from the show at the age of 78. Taryn and Marshall moved to a new house in Key Largo and lived quite happily until they died together in a tragic air boat accident. Taryn was 86.

Thanks to Marshall's many years of effort, Taryn's body refused to decompose and is now on display at the Key West Museum of Biological Wonders. She has been lovingly nicknamed "The Plastic Lady" and the museum expects her to rake in millions of dollars in ticket sales before they replace her with the latest mummy exhibit, coming next August.