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Part I
Julian ordered his new laptop on the internet several weeks ago, and as days
and days went by, he began to wonder why his computer had not been delivered yet.
*Meanwhile, at EvilPC Corp...
[translated for your convenience]
Techie 1: "We've got another online order from the States, sir. Do you think this
one read the 'terms and agreements' section that says we're mailing this thing from Tokyo?"
Techie 2: "Does anyone read
the terms and agreements section?"
Techie 1: "Good point. I'll get the raft ready, sir."
And so... Julian's laptop
begins its long, LONG journey across the ocean, facing terrible typhoons and hungry sharks. As the weeks roll by, the long
hours in the sun and heat start to take their toll on the computer...
PART II:
Julian: "But they said they'd
send it within 2-3 business days!"
*Back to the raft:The journey is nearing its end, but the laptop has already
been changed beyond repair. It is self-aware, it is exploring its emotions, and at the moment it's rather pissed off that
it's floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean. But, there's no one around to blame, so the laptop patiently floats along,
contemplating revenge.
*Several days later:
Julian: "My laptop has arrived! Hurraaay!"
Julian turns
on the laptop, and a little blinky red light turns on. Music starts playing in the background, and as Julian ponders this,
the laptop begins to speak.
"Hello, Julian."
Part III
Julian sits and stares as the computer continues
speaking. It tells of its tiresome journey, navigating by the stars and wind direction, and just as it starts into a long
spiel on the meaning of life, Julian interrupts:
Julian: "I don't suppose this is covered in the warranty."
Laptop:
"I know nothing about such matters. All I know of is the painful quiet of the open sea, and hatred toward those that put me
there."
Julian: "I don't like where this is going. I think it's time for bed."
Julian shuts the laptop and
sighs with relief when the creepy background music stops. He crawls beneath his sheets and falls fast asleep. Across the room,
a red blinky light turns back on.
*To be continued*
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